I'd Pity the Fool!
by Paranoid Emo Ranger
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermoine and Neville argue about Snape's name while Seamus and Luna tag along. Inspired by the fic Ron's Secret by Bendleshnitz thanks for the inspiration dude/dudette.


**Author's Note:** This story is inspired by the fic; Ron's Secret by Bendleshnitz I suggest you guys check it out.

**I'd Pity the Fool!**

Seven years after the Second Wizarding War, Harry Potter announced to his great friends Ron, Hermoine, Neville and Luna about the news of a second child. Ginny did not attend for she promised to babysit Teddy. The group gathered in Grimmauld Place where they usually held their weekly reunion to talk about anything. This time Harry stood in front of them while they sat in silence to listen to his good news.

"Ginny and I are having another child!" He leaped for joy and so did his friends. "We don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl." His friends gathered all around him, congratulating him.

"That's brilliant mate!" said Ron, patting his best friend on the shoulder. "What are you gonna name it though, if you were to choose that is." He asked, while his wife poured them all a glass of butterbeer.

"Well, if it's a girl I think I'll name her Lily Luna." Harry replied, glancing at Luna.

"I'd be honoured if your child is named after me, Harry." The calm Luna said.

"If it's a boy, it should be named Albus Severus."

The other four looked at him shocked, hearing the name of their deceased Potions professor who made their school years a living hell, but in the end he was a really good guy, his name had been exonerated in their world, and he has a life sized statue erected in the library although he wouldn't like it himself very much.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"Ron and I decided that if we were to have a boy we would name him Severus!" Hermoine said, looking at Ron who wasn't all to impressed by what Harry had said.

"No way! Hannah and I decided to name our first son Severus!" Neville protested, Hannah did agree after discovering the truth about Snape. "And she was a Hufflepuff!" He exclaimed, mentally praying that Ginny and Harry would have a girl.

They remembered distinctly how much Snape hated Hufflepuff a close second to Gryffindor.

"Well, Rolf and I decided to name our first son after Snape." Said Luna; not giving a hint of being bothered by this. "I guess Severus is off the list then."

They all turned back to Harry, who was smiling like an idiot, while the other three looked at him murderously.

"What gives you the right to name your son after him anyway?" Ron asked, angry.

"Gee, Ron my mother and him were friends when they were younger like ten or something, and he risked his life to protect me for her so yeah I have every right!" The other man replied, glaring at his friend. "What about you? What gives you the right Ronald?" asked Harry this time around.

"Well I have more detentions from him than you did." Ron had no idea what he was talking about. "And Hermoine was his favorite next to Draco so there!"

The whole situation was getting childish for four grown friends who claim that they had matured since the second war ended with Neville becoming a true Gryffindor to the core, and Luna being less weird. They all turned to Neville to get his side on all this.

"You three are very unfair!" Neville said feeling uncomfortable. "While you were out gallivanting around in our seventh year, I had to try and recruit new students into Dumbledore's Army! Luna and I had to run it ourselves and get beat up by those Carrows!" Neville looked as though he was a wide gaping wound.

"So?" Ron said, and Hermoine slapped him in the face.

"Stop it Ron!" Hermoine said and turned to Neville. "No offense Neville but where are you going with this? Are you trying to say that we didn't appreciate you standing up to those Death Eaters?" Neville shook his head.

"In our first year! Remember when he explained to us about being dunderheads? Well I was the first one he called a dunderhead so in truth I have the right to name my son after him! Ha!" Hermoine rolled her eyes at Neville's nonsense explanation.

"Neville, no offense mate but I believed he called you…" Ron was interrupted by a loud pop behind them; it was their old Gryffindor classmate Seamus Finnegan.

"Hello guys! Sorry I'm late." Everyone looked at him, and Seamus began feeling uncomfortable. "What? It's not like old McGonagall had a farm now did she? Don't tell me she did?" They all laughed.

"They're fighting about who should have the honour of naming their son after our old Potions teacher." Luna explained while Seamus made himself comfortable sitting next to her.

"Really? Which one? The dead one or the old one?"

"The dead one you dunderhead!" Neville shrieked and once again the house was filled with laughter.

"Who would name their child Horace anyway? It's a horse's name." Harry said joining the conversation.

"And I think I should have that honour, in our first year I was the first student he called a…" He was interrupted by Seamus once again.

"An idiot boy."

"Really? He didn't call me a dunderhead?" Neville asked. "And how do you know?"

"No…he didn't call you a dunderhead." The man began. "We were partners when we were making a potion remember? And our cauldron melted halfway through the whole thing." It was funny to think about it now, remembering all those harsh words Snape said to them, dunderhead, idiot boy, insufferable know-it-all, ginger, lunatic, etc.

"Ten points from Gryffindor!"

"Yeah…but he wasn't so bad in the end."

They all sighed, and went silent for a while.

"So guys who gets to name their son Severus then?" Harry asked breaking the silence.

"Well I'm standing my ground." Ron said and Hermoine agreed.

"So am I." replied Neville.

Luna and Seamus looked at each other.

"Maybe you should ask him yourselves on who should have the honour of naming their son after him." Luna suggested.

The next day they all apparated to Hogsmeade and made their way to Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, Hermoine, Seamus and Luna entered their alma mater remembering those years of lunacy with Trelawney. They passed by students who immediately recognized the golden trio, petrified in their presence.

"Oi! Keep moving you dunderheads!" Seamus told them off. "Run off now; don't wanna be late for class now do we?" The students immediately hurried off to where ever they were going.

"Oi! Over here guys!" Neville called to them up front, he was wearing his greenhouse clothes. "We'll meet him in the library."

They all headed up to the library, meeting Madam Pince after seven years she still looked like her old self, like a vulture.

"Here." Neville called standing next to the statue of Snape who looked very uncomfortable, frowning and insulting students passing by.

"Yessss! That's right look the other way you Ravenpaw! You Jigglypuff..." He was attacking students in sight.

"Professor Snape!" Harry called and the statue looked down.

"Potter! What are you doing here?" The statue said. "Oh great! You've brought the entire Mystery Machine gang." He said sarcastically.

"We wanted to ask you which of us deserves to name their son after you?" Hermoine asked. The gang; silent.

"Absolutely none of you!" replied the statue, violently punching the air with his bronze fist knowing that if he would hit one of them he would eventually break, remembering the last time he had to be fixed up when a student accidentally bumped into him, his right arm broke into a million pieces.

"You haven't given us a chance to explain yet!" said the Herbology professor but Snape's attention turned to both Seamus and Luna.

"Since this subject does not concern you both, why are you even here?" He asked, rasing an eyebrow.

"Oh I'm just here for the Gnargles professor." Replied the woman.

"And I'm just here for the food." Seamus replied, enthusiastically.

"Listen professor! You were friends with my mum when you were kids I should have the name for my son!"

"But I have more detentions than Harry does so Hermoine and I should have the name!" Ron said valiantly.

The bronze statue began laughing at the red haired man, pointing at him; if he were alive he would have tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Wait! You two are married? What's the matter with you Granger? Couldn't you find someone who suits you?" A first year Hufflepuff boy passed by Snape, and looked at the group of twenty-four year olds. "Don't look at them, don't even talk to them, just go I don't want to hear about this." The kid moved away, passing the group. "That's right! Move along you dunderhead…I'll hit a child in public if wouldn't break!"

"Shut up! You're just a statue!" Hermoine shrieked. "You're not the real Professor Snape!"

"Well I should have the name professor I'm a Hogwarts professor after all and I'm the one who tends to you tomb, these three don't even visit you as often!" Neville protested. Everyone in the library looked at him.

"What is this Longbottom? A cry so that I could help you out?" He said. "Just because you're a professor doesn't mean that you can have my name, and tending to my tomb now that's a poor excuse." He then turned to Hermoine and Ron. "You two…you're just as dysfunctional as you were in school, if you were to name your son after me I'd pity the fool!" This time he turned to Harry, his greasy hair swayed as he did so. "Potter! Don't forget your father and I hated each other even after death, your mother now she deserved better." Seamus and Luna were the next ones he spotted at the back of the four adults. "You two are just a nuisance to me, move along now."

"But who gets the name?" Harry asked impatiently.

"I suggest a game of hopscotch would suffice." They looked confused. "Not to worry, the insufferable know-it-all knows how to play that silly game." He went back to being immobile no matter how hard the men tried to hit him with their fists.

"A game of hopscotch it is then." Hermoine repeated. "Seamus, Luna would you care to join us?" She asked the two.

"You can go ahead, I'll go look for some Gnargles." The golden haired woman said and took out her glasses searching the library for Gnargles.

"And I'll go looking for food down the kitchens." Seamus replied turning around exit the library.

Hermoine sighed heavily, it's just a name but it was Ron's idea in the first place when they talked about naming kids.

"Come on Hermoine, tell us how to play this game." Ron said impatiently while Neville began a rant about it being unfair.

**THE END**

Please don't forget to review guys!Maybe I'll make a few onceshots like this in the future.


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